| 47 |
27 Aug 2026 |
Why don't scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everyhing.
|
—
|
| 46 |
26 Aug 2026 |
Why did the coffee file a report? It got mugged!
|
—
|
| 45 |
25 Aug 2026 |
A pirate's favorite letter is not Arrrr! They love the sea!!
|
—
|
| 44 |
24 Aug 2026 |
Why don't skeletons fight each other? They don't have the guts.
|
—
|
| 43 |
23 Aug 2026 |
What do you call a shoe make of banana peels? Slippers.
|
—
|
| 42 |
22 Aug 2026 |
Why was 69 afraid of 70? Because they had a fight and 71.
|
—
|
| 41 |
21 Aug 2026 |
How do you think the unthinkable? A1: With an itheberg! A2: Mike Tython that the another.
|
—
|
| 40 |
20 Aug 2026 |
What is the Tinder app for old people? It's called 'Carbon Dating'.
|
—
|
| 39 |
19 Aug 2026 |
I told the nurse I was bitten by a wolf. "Where?", she asked. No. Regular.
|
—
|
| 38 |
18 Aug 2026 |
Tem plus ten and eleven plus eleven are the same. 10+10=20. 11+11=20 too.
|
—
|
| 37 |
17 Aug 2026 |
I once dated a magizene collected. She had issues.
|
—
|
| 36 |
16 Aug 2026 |
My boss said he was going to fire the person with the worst posture I have a hunch it's going to be me.
|
—
|
| 35 |
15 Aug 2026 |
I used to be addicted to dirt. But I'm clean now.
|
—
|
| 34 |
14 Aug 2026 |
I hate my job. All I do is crush cans all day. It is Soda pressing.
|
—
|
| 33 |
13 Aug 2026 |
Why don't dinosaurs make good pets? Because they're dead.
|
—
|
| 32 |
12 Aug 2026 |
Why do melons need to marry in a church? Because they cantelope.
|
—
|
| 31 |
11 Aug 2026 |
What do Santa's elves listen to whilst they work? Wrap music.
|
—
|
| 30 |
10 Aug 2026 |
Why did they call it the dark ages? Because of all the knights.
|
—
|
| 29 |
9 Aug 2026 |
My wife told me to take the spider out instead of killing it So I did. We had a few drinks, pretty cool guy, said he works as a web designer.
|
—
|
| 28 |
8 Aug 2026 |
My friend claims he is a compulsive liar! I don't believe him!
|
—
|
| 27 |
7 Aug 2026 |
Why does the sun not have to go to university? It already has 27 million degrees.
|
—
|
| 26 |
6 Aug 2026 |
I'm not a fan of escalators. I'm taking steps to avoid them!
|
—
|
| 25 |
5 Aug 2026 |
A horse walks into a bar. Bartender: "Hey." Horse: "Sure."
|
—
|
| 24 |
4 Aug 2026 |
It's like my mum always said "You might not be the dumbest guy in the world, but youÂ’d better hope he doesn't die".
|
—
|
| 23 |
3 Aug 2026 |
Don't worry about your smarthphone and TV spying on you. Your vacuum has been gathering dirt on you for years!
|
—
|
| 22 |
2 Aug 2026 |
How do you keep a dad in suspense?
|
—
|
| 21 |
1 Aug 2026 |
Every morning I get hit by the same bike It's a vicious cycle!
|
—
|
| 20 |
31 Jul 2026 |
Respect people who wear glasses. They paid money to see you.
|
—
|
| 19 |
30 Jul 2026 |
Man: "I can't hear out of one ear". Doc: "Are you sure?" Man: "Yes, I'm definate".
|
—
|
| 18 |
29 Jul 2026 |
My wife bet me $1000 I couldn't turn spaghetti into a car. You should have seen her face when I drove pasta!
|
—
|
| 17 |
28 Jul 2026 |
One wind turbine asks another: "What kind of music are you into?" The second one says: "I'm a huge, heavy metal fan!"
|
—
|
| 16 |
27 Jul 2026 |
Light travels faster than sound That's why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
|
—
|
| 15 |
26 Jul 2026 |
Saw a man standing on one leg at an ATM. Confused, I asked him what he was doing. He said: "Just checking (chequing) my balance".
|
—
|
| 14 |
25 Jul 2026 |
Yesterday I ate a clock, it was very time consuming. Especially when I came back for seconds.
|
—
|
| 13 |
24 Jul 2026 |
What do you call a belt made of $100 bills? A waist of money.
|
—
|
| 12 |
23 Jul 2026 |
Did you know? Scuba divers roll backwards out of the boats because if they rolled forward, they'd just go into the road.
|
—
|
| 11 |
22 Jul 2026 |
Did you hear about the local art competition? It ended in a draw.
|
—
|
| 10 |
21 Jul 2026 |
What are baby apes called? Appricotes
|
—
|
| 9 |
20 Jul 2026 |
To the person who sole my trainers and hi vis jacket You can run but you can't hide.
|
—
|
| 8 |
19 Jul 2026 |
Little know fact: Before the crowbar was invented. Crows simply drank at home.
|
—
|
| 7 |
18 Jul 2026 |
I hate it when people don't know the difference between 'your' and 'you're'. There so stupid.
|
—
|
| 6 |
17 Jul 2026 |
Never date a tennis player. Love means nothing to them.
|
—
|
| 5 |
16 Jul 2026 |
I just called the paranoia hotline. A guy answered: "How the hell did you get this number?"
|
—
|
| 4 |
15 Jul 2026 |
I have been teaching my dog to fetch tools from my workshop. He's not perfec, but he knows the drill.
|
—
|
| 3 |
14 Jul 2026 |
This morning I saw a guy dragging a mollusk behind him on a leash It must be hard to walk with a pulled muscle.
|
—
|
| 2 |
13 Jul 2026 |
I started reading a horror story in braille. Something terrible is about to happen, I can feel it.
|
—
|
| 1 |
12 Jul 2026 |
Nothing tops a plain pizza.
|
—
|